After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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