Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
