Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
