So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
