Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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