I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
