whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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