her vagine was all disorganized.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
