Porn is love you can see.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
