Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
