Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
