and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
