yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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