If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
