i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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