Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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