Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
