Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
