I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
