She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
