awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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