she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm at about main and main street
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
