Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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