Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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