She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
