You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
