dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
