We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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