She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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