I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
