I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
