idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
