she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
