I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
