I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
