My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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