i can't believe i had my finger in that
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
