I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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