a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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