I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
