I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
