If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
