nut hugger
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are two peas in an std pod
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
