I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
