Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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