i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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