exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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