I didn't shave. On purpose
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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