The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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