im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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