You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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