May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
