You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
