My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
