last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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